I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
