I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
