im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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