He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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