I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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