also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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