I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
