this beer tastes like vomit already
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
