SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
