Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
