He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh god it's open bar.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
