regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is my gift to your gina
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
