What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
