she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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