How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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