good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
