Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
