New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
