nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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