4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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