i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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