i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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