The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I want is dick and wine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
