I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
