I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
