Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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