I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
