I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
