I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
