We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
