I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
