8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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