were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
