you're like a bully in the Christmas story
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
