Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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