I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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