p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
