phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
