I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
