yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
