Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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