I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dick very happy bro
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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