So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
