Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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