How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
