Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
