I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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