i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
