My hair reeks of homosexuality.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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