very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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