Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
