people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
