I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
