the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
nutella sex= disaster
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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