Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
