Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
